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Basic rules
Don't listen to Derrick. Don't listen to Derrick! Safety third. If you do not know where you are going, do not sprint off the front. Do not crash into people, you drunken moron. Don't have more forum posts than miles pedaled with the club. Being drunk is not a mechanical. No stopping for strippers until the ride has gone at least 10 miles, and everyone has had at least 3 drinks. The above rule only applies to Derrick. Don't ask for help when your unlocked bike gets stolen. Seriously. We'll just laugh at you. Don't drink outside booze inside bars that still put up with our shit. Or leave your fucking empties in the bathroom. This isn't amateur hour. If you insist upon wreaking dumbfuckery, be not surprised when you reap dumbfuckery. Insults (and injuries) are temporary. Lolz are forever. Calendar boys do what they want, run with 12 gangs and only commit hate crimes. Bikes do not belong on fires! (This rule does not apply to Derricks bikes, which are fair game) U-locks are melee weapons, not ranged. Don't stick it in crazy. (see Rule 71) If you are unable to make it to a ride, you must inform Ben. Beef will be handled per the details in Sub Paragraph A of the TOS. Sarcasm will not be tolerated. If you kill it, you eat it. No Pets Allowed. Not on a leash, not in a trailer, not even in a box with a fox. You cannot bring your dog. Chainwhip! All forum polls must include "Swayze" as an option, or their results will be rendered invalid. "Peter J. Woodman" is an acceptable substitute. Sometimes the shots/strippers/drinks/prostitutes/plane tickets (etc) we buy for you, aren't for you. They're for us. 'Protip: When Derrick offers you a bottle, he's not hooking you up. ''' Sleeping with .83 members does not guarantee you .83 membership, but we still encourage you to try. Don't fuck with the grill. Obey the Scout_Law. It's not official until Andre starts a thread. "GET A CAR, HIPPIE!" is the official greeting of .83, and should be screamed at the top of your lungs should you happen across a fellow member. Any woman is permitted to hit sketchy at any time. We are not going to your non-bikey event on Thursday (band playing, art show, bum fighting, whatever) so stop asking. We don't care if it's free. Do not pee in the pool. If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions. Plan B is wolverines. It always has been. Don't let Planned Parenthood try to tell you otherwise. Spoke Cards are earned after 3 rides, 2 black-out drunks and 1 race (or camping trip). Or if the card producer "knows who the fuck you are." Rules for earning (the right to buy) a T-shirt or Jersey are exactly the same as those for spoke cards, except for some differences. Being a cripple does not void rule #6. Joe is not allowed to add or modify the basic rules. This is for his own good. And ours. Yes, but no; should have been rule number 1, but ya know, something else came up. Rule 18 then applies. Do not eat the whole cookie. No glass at the pool. Good beer comes in cans now. Bring a towel. And a swimsuit. bail money. What happens in Portland, stays in Portland. If you produce a keg be careful of someone trying to get you to go on a beer run. Joe is encouraged to kiss any girl at any time. (If you have to ask if you're him, you're not.) Don't have more yes but no posts than miles pedaled with the club. We don't actually care if you show up. When you're drunk (and I mean the collective "you"), you're not nearly as stealthy or clever as you think you are. (See rule #11) .83 is not Critical Mass. Stop riding like a twat. Do not follow Ben up a mountain. When in doubt, add butter. Or Boones. Cheating is encouraged. Don't let crazy stick it in you. (see Rule 17) If it bleeds, we can kill it. (Then see rule 21) If it's on the internet and it involves point83 in any way, we'll find it. we may also try to use it against you in a chance for lolz.